


Hold On Tighter

by Tsukuyomi_chan



Category: Future Card Buddyfight
Genre: Canon Compliant, During DDD ep 27, M/M, angsty fluff, gaen kyoya introspection, in which gaen kyoya experiences Feelings and hates it, mentions of past abusive relationship, mild asphyxiation???, please note that gaen kyoya is skeevy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2016-11-07
Packaged: 2018-08-29 16:25:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8497066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsukuyomi_chan/pseuds/Tsukuyomi_chan
Summary: Gaen Kyoya is not lonely.  In the end, the world has already long since established its inevitable death for Kyoya, and he can’t wait for his plans to finally succeed.  He’s so close, and nothing can stop him.  Aragami Rouga’s sudden reappearance means nothing.  After all, nothing ever changes anymore.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I call this “Kyoya tries to avoid ‘Feeling Emotions’ by being his usual amount of jerk”. It works about as well as you’d expect it. Or maybe not at all what you expected. Halfway through even I couldn’t figure out what these two were doing anymore they’re just kinda lowkey screaming their feelings. This fic is kinda based off the headcanon that Kyoya does feel slightly guilty about doing that to Rouga.

Gaen Kyoya is not lonely.

He stands on the balcony of the hotel room and observes the party in the distance, and smiles at how things have come together almost too perfectly.  The users of Dragon Force have been awakened and identified, and that pest Doctor Gara was taken away as well.  It was all so easy, Kyoya had barely had to lift a finger.  It was all falling into place so easily, he could practically see his victory. 

 But now wasn’t the time for celebrations.  Now was the time to greet an unwanted visitor.

"I'm impressed, Rouga.  You made it to this room without anyone noticing you."  He said, and could feel the air tense before hearing the footsteps.

"I had plenty of time.  So I did all sorts of research."  Ah, it had been so long since he had last heard Rouga’s voice, Kyoya had almost felt his heart lurch for a second if he had one.  "Kyoya.  You purchased this island in order to release the Dragon Force, didn't you?”

"I didn't care who released it.  I achieved my goal."  Kyoya looks backwards at Rouga, who looked no different from the last time Kyoya had seen him in person, no different from the times he saw Rouga buddyfighting on TV against the Hundred Demons, and yet he almost blinks in surprise at him. 

Rouga is actually here, in his room, talking to him again.  It’s a wonder.

Rouga frowns, and his hand tightens around his Dark Core, the one Kyoya had given to him.  He was still clinging to it.  That was a wonder too.  "What are your true intentions?"

Kyoya smiles to himself.  "Are you going to try and stop me?  That's impossible.  I'm not going to mess up like last time."

Gaen Kyoya is not lonely.  He's too busy working to feel any loneliness to begin with.  Lately, it's been all him, and only him.  Shido Magoroku and Yamazaki Davide are off doing their own thing, Gremlin left on a journey, he abandoned Kuchinawa Terumi himself, Hyoryu Kiri and Ryuuenji Tasuku both left long before, Sofia and Elf Kabala were both working in different locations, and so it was only Kyoya working right now.  But that doesn’t mean that he’s lonely.

The small form of Cerberus looks up at Rouga before disappearing into its card form and returning to the core.  It’s just Rouga and him now.  Kyoya’s eyes narrow.  “What are you doing?” 

“I’m trying to make you see sense.”

“Huh, really.  Then let’s see you try.”  He shrugs.  There’s no tricks left in Rouga that Kyoya doesn’t know.  There’s nothing Rouga can do that will surprise him.

(The only reason why he had been monitoring Rouga’s actions was to make sure that he still fit within Kyoya’s expectations, nothing else.  No other reason)

Rouga looks mad.  Kyoya expected that.  "Kyoya, what you're doing is wrong.  You've already hurt so many people, you can't go on like this!" 

“I’m ‘going on’ just fine.”

“Haven’t you learnt anything from your loss in the Gaen Cup finals?!  Didn’t you listen to anything Mikado Gao said?!”

“I did in fact learn something from that.  I learned what I have to do to not lose again this time around.  This time it’ll all go according to plan.”

It’s so predictable, Rouga’s so predictable, Kyoya had already dreamed of every possibility of Rouga confronting him.  He’s already met Rouga so many times in his dreams, waiting for Rouga to say something he doesn’t already know.  He’s already woken up so many times disappointed.

(The fact that he dreams about Rouga means nothing)

(It doesn’t mean he’s lonely)

“Can’t you try and see what I’m trying to tell you?!”  Rouga yells, smacking his hand into the wall behind.

“No, I can’t.”  Kyoya says harshly.  “I can’t understand, Rouga.  Why do you insist on trying to talk about this?”

“Because it’s important!”

Kyoya doesn’t move, and Rouga doesn’t let up in his glare, and then Kyoya lets out a snort.  He starts laughing.  He holds his stomach and starts laughing from how ridiculous this situation is.  Why is Rouga like this?  He doesn’t understand.  Why would Rouga go through all this trouble, just to stand in front of him and go on about how wrong he is?  It was all so pointless, so boring, so tiring, and yet Rouga just kept trying.

Rouga doesn’t smile, and all the sudden it’s tiring again.  “You always did cling to meaningless things.”  Kyoya comments.

“It’s not meaningless.”  Rouga says, quieter but with the same intensity.

“All Mikado Gao did was want to be your friend, and you began clinging to his pointless cheering.  All Ryuuenji Tasuku did was fight with you at Mt. Fuji.  All Hyoryu Kiri did was listen and train with you.  And yet you cling to them!  See Rouga, all you do is cling to insignificant words.  In the end, it’s all just pretty words.  The only thing that matters in the long run is power, and those who possess it.”

Rouga’s head dips, but he repeats again, “It’s not meaningless.”

“Yes it is!  What has all that clinging gotten you?  How have you benefitted?  How has hearing all those valiant speeches made you any better off than you were before?  In the end, all weaklings can do is cling.”  He laughs, how ludicrous the situation is almost making him high.  "All those lives are insignificant before me!  I have power!  Those with power are the only ones that matter.  The weak can go back to crawling through the dirt for all I care.  So tell me Rouga, which category do you belong to?”

He takes a step forwards, then another, and Rouga doesn’t do anything in response so Kyoya continues forwards.

 “What do you think you can possibly do against me?”  Kyoya takes another step.

“Do you think you’re strong enough to stand against me?” Another step.

“Have you changed at all since we last met?  Since you outlived your usefulness?”  Another step.

“Not going to move?”  He teases, taking another step.

“You’re not going to hurt me.”  Rouga says quietly, and there’s no fear in his voice and it bothers Kyoya.  He is the one with power, and yet Rouga just kept going against that, going against what he wanted. 

_He wants Rouga to say something new, something different from before.  Rouga does.  He hates it.  He hates this.  He doesn’t need Rouga anymore.  He really doesn’t.  He’s not lonely enough to need Rouga._

He stands in front of Rouga, and Rouga lifts his head to gaze back.  “You keep asking in this roundabout way.  Is there something you want to hear from me?”  Rouga says.  “Can’t you say things properly for once?”

Is there something he wants to hear from Rouga?  Kyoya takes another step, standing right in Rouga’s personal space, just a few centimeters from Rouga’s face, and Kyoya keeps his eyes down at Rouga’s neck and the hair that falls around it. 

Is there something he wants to hear?  He lifts up a lock of Rouga’s hair, running it through his fingers.  It’s still so soft, and feels so familiar, and Kyoya wonders if there’s any benefit in letting this run any longer.  But he honestly can’t think straight enough to care for logic right now.  The hair falls through his fingers as soon as he loosens his grip on it, and he thinks that’s appropriate for someone like Rouga, but it digs something deep into his chest that he can’t figure out, and he hates it.

But that doesn’t mean that he’s lonely.

“Rouga, are you happy like this?”  Kyoya whispers.

Rouga purses his lips together, and Kyoya can feel him tense.  “All you ever do is give me lies giftwrapped in pretty words.  All you ever do is hide how you feel from everyone.  Do you even care about what my answer is?  Is it that hard to just listen to what I say?”

_Yes._

Kyoya isn’t lonely.  He really isn’t.  Rouga being here is just a bother, just like how Rouga’s always been.  Everyone was always a bother, just convenient pawns for him.  He had just hoped Rouga might have been a more amusing pawn than the rest of them.  He didn’t count on this happening.  The pain in his chest gets worse with every word Rouga says.  He doesn’t need to listen to anything Rouga says.

He’s not lonely, so Rouga should just stop with all this nonsense and leave.

“Would it have been better if we never became friends?”  Kyoya asks.

_Another country.  A snow-filled landscape.  Broken down shacks and ripped up clothing.  Aragami Rouga, smiling at him as if something could have been different this time.  As if for once Kyoya could be treated not as the heir to some rich family, or someone with responsibility, but just like any other person.  He’ll be selfish this one time.  He doesn’t want to be alone anymore._

Rouga's hands are around his throat, and he's slammed backwards onto the ground.  Their legs tangle together, and Rouga's hands tighten around his neck, pinning him to the floor with Rouga leaning over his face, fury evident on his face, and he’s screaming something but Kyoya doesn’t hear.  Kyoya chokes for a second from the pain, a hand reaching up to try and tug at the tight grip around his neck, growing lightheaded from both the fall and lack of air.  He stops right before his hand reaches Rouga’s though, after his vision becomes less blurry and he can focus again on Rouga’s expression above him. 

“…that.  Don’t say that…”  Rouga practically sobs, head hanging, and Kyoya can feel hands tremble around his throat.

It’s illogical.  It makes no sense.  Kyoya didn’t expect this to happen, and now he doesn’t know what to do.  This isn’t a dream, it’s happening in reality, and Kyoya did not have any previous strategies planned in case anything of the sort happened.  It’s not right.  Rouga isn’t supposed to do anything out of his expectations. 

But Rouga’s hands are hot and they burn, almost more than the pain in his chest, so Kyoya lets himself lie there without struggling, tilting his head to observe Rouga’s better.  “Ah, Rouga,” he says, his voice raspy and in pain, but it’s not a bad pain, and it’s much better than the one in his chest.  “Would this change anything?”

Rouga bites his lip in frustration, but the grip around Kyoya's neck loosens slightly.  “Don’t say that…”  Rouga says, and his voice trembles this time.

“You wouldn’t have the Dark Core or your current buddyfight deck, but you would have had a more people-filled environment to grow up that wouldn’t have shielded you from the world or twisted you to suit it.”  Kyoya says.  “It wasn’t your decision to make in the first place whether or not you could leave, and you were young at the time, so it was easy to think that living here was better, but that was just because you didn’t know any better.  You would have grown stronger if you were back there and learnt how to face the world by yourself─”

“That’s not for you to decide!”  Rouga shouts, his hands slamming the floor beside Kyoya’s head as he braces himself above Kyoya face, making Kyoya jolt.  “It’s not for you to decide whether or not I should regret everything I’ve done up until now!  You can’t go around deciding how I feel!  You want to know how I feel about all this, my entire life, I’ll tell you!  I don’t regret any of it!  You wanna know why?!  You’re important to me, that’s why!!”

Kyoya’s eyes widen.  It makes no sense.  Rouga says ridiculous things.  Rouga makes no sense.  Rouga looks like he's about to cry, it makes no sense why, and Kyoya is incapable of remembering the last time he saw Rouga cry, and seeing that expression tugs at something deep inside him that he’s tried to bury for years.  He reaches up a hand to cup his face and wipe away a tear with his finger delicately.  Kyoya feels the entire body above him stiffen up, but doesn’t make any motion to move so he just continues to stroke Rouga's cheek.  It’s warm, like humans should be, and yet it makes Kyoya’s arm weak just touching it.  He’s not lonely.

He doesn’t understand why Rouga feels the need to say something like that.  Leave it to Rouga to make everything overly emotional.

He pushes away the part of his thoughts that understands what Rouga means.  He pushes away the part of him that feels sympathy, or pain, or anything for Rouga at all.

"I don't need weak friends, Rouga."  Kyoya says.

“Feelings don’t make people weak, Kyoya.”  Rouga replies, reaching up with his own hand to clutch Kyoya’s.  “You’re important to me, Kyoya.  Is it that much of a problem?”

Kyoya doesn’t know how to reply, because he still doesn’t understand.  He doesn’t understand how Rouga could possibly be so full of these emotions in the first place.  Sofia, Shido, Yamazaki Davide and the others weren’t like this.  Why just Rouga then?

Rouga’s still right above him, and Kyoya still hasn’t pushed him away.  He probably should stop now, before any more tears fell.

Rouga cries for him.  He still is a big part of Rouga’s mind and life.  It should make him pleased to still have that much power, but all it does is hurt. 

"Why can't you realize I'm just trying to help you, Kyoya…"

_Why can't you realize I'm just trying to set things right, Rouga?_

He isn't lonely.  Kyoya strokes Rouga's cheek, feeling the warmth that identified him as alive, the roughness that showed how much Rouga had suffered through, the soft flesh that resembled his own.  He moves his hand back to Rouga's hair, running his fingers through it, and trails down to the back of Rouga’s neck.  It's hot, almost burning under his fingertips the feeling that Rouga is alive and here, and he’s hyperaware of every breath Rouga takes, every slight fidget, every time Rouga blinks and the tears seem to resurface, how close they are that Rouga’s just a few measly inches away from his face and Kyoya can't stop the desire inside him to have more, to feel more, to possess more, because he's been deprived of human contact for so long but he **_isn't lonely_**. 

 Gaen Kyoya doesn’t get lonely.

 He wraps his arms around Rouga and pulls him down into a hug.  He isn’t able to remember the last time he did this.  He isn’t able to remember why he’s doing this anymore.  His fingers clench around the back of Rouga’s clothing and he buries his face in Rouga’s shoulder, pulling Rouga’s head down with him.  He pretends that the trembling is only from Rouga.  He pretends that the hand stroking his hair, keeping him pressed close isn’t comforting.  Kyoya breathes out, and breathes in, and he lets this moment sink deep into him so that he’ll never forget the feeling.

_Another country.  A snow-filled landscape.  Broken down shacks and ripped up clothing.  Aragami Rouga, smiling at him as if something could have been different this time.  As if Kyoya was his friend._

_He’s eight.  He doesn’t want to be alone anymore._

(He’s fifteen.  He doesn’t want to be alone anymore.)

“Let’s buddyfight.”  Kyoya says.  “It’s easier to communicate that way.”

“If you insist,” Rouga replies.

Kyoya needs to end this.  He’s let this go on for too long.  He has plans and he doesn’t have time to waste.  He can’t allow any more slip-ups, any more moments where all this inside him makes him lose his rationale. 

(But the room is cold and Rouga is warm and he just wants to latch on and never let go because he’s just so tired of working and watching all these people move so predictably, so tired of this life, but Rouga makes it slightly better)

"If I win, you're going to be my friend again."  Kyoya whispers.

He listens to Rouga chuckle, feeling his hot breath on the shell of his ear, and a weight in his chest lifts like he can finally breathe easier.

"You don't have to win a buddyfight for that."  Rouga whispers back.

Kyoya laughs bitterly, and pretends that hearing those words don't make him even a little bit happy.  He pretends that his grip around Rouga doesn’t tighten, that he doesn’t bury his face deeper to block out the cold, that he doesn’t think about an alternative life where this could have lasted.

Gaen Kyoya isn't lonely, not one bit.  But he continues to let Rouga hug him anyways.

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. This is like the skeeviest thing I’ve ever written tbh  
> 2\. I can’t believe someone at Bushiroad allowed Gaen Kyoya to be a real character  
> 3\. I always think to myself “this time I’ll let Rouga punch Kyoya in the face” but I never do and I am ashamed of myself.  
> 4\. Is Kyoya in character? Is he out of character? Is feeling emotions out of character for Gaen Kyoya? Nobody knows.


End file.
